Sometimes....

The majority of the time I'm an optomistic, happy person who loves a good laugh and hardly ever acts her age. But sometimes, just sometimes this couldn't be further from the truth.

Sometimes I sink into a funk, a darkness that wraps itself around me and consumes me. It can last anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days, rarely any longer than that.

During these times I'm filled with self doubt and all the negatives. I'm ugly, stupid, unloveable and I feel so completely alone. My self esteem and confidence take a big hit and I doubt everything I do and everything I am.

No one knows I go through this, not even my partner. I've never been good at talking about my feelings and I must admit to some embarrassement and maybe even a little shame. One day I hope I can open up about it, but not just yet. For now, this post will have to do.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me though, all in all I consider myself lucky. I know people who have these thoughts and feelings every minute of every day. Their lives are a constant battle agaisnt the demons that haunt them.

So, if you're struggling I hope you can find the strength to reach out to someone. And if you think someone you care about is stuggling, be there for them. If they know that you're there, it will make all the difference.

Turning 40

So I’m turning 40 this year. 

As I like to be prepared, I think I’ll start planning now for my midlife crisis….

Difference of opinions

Just because you disagree with someone's opinion, it doesn't mean you should engage in a personal attack on them.

Put forward your view and reasoning for why you think they're wrong and discuss.

Be respectful and open to debate because you never know, you might learn something new.

What I Am

I know what I am and what I am not - now I just have to accept it and learn to love myself regardless….

You are all amazing….

If you’ve ever been bullied or picked on for your differences, whether it be because those people thought you were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too smart or not smart enough. Maybe it was because of the colour of your skin, your religious beliefs or your sexual orientation. Well, I want you to remember the irrefutable fact that you are an individual and you are amazing.

More often than not, these so called “people” are afraid or jealous of what sets you apart. Maybe they are intimidated by how smart or creative you are. Maybe they are jealous of your home life, the fact that your parents pay attention to you, nurture you. Whatever it is, it is their issue. In most cases, it has nothing to do with you, it is them projecting their own issues onto you in a negative way.

So if you are feeling alone, disheartened and you don’t think you can go on, just remember that you are you and you were made just the way you were supposed to be. Your differences are what sets you apart from everyone else and they are what make you special. You are NOT defective, you are NOT alone, you are NOT worthless, you are a valued member of this world and no matter what, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, there is always someone looking out for you – we are all looking out for you.

So, if you need someone to talk to, to vent to, someone’s shoulder to cry on, don’t feel embarrassed or that you aren’t worth it. Just hold out your hand and someone will take it and hold on tight.

Underestimated

All my life people have underestimated me, written me off and ignored me. Whether it’s because of my shyness or the way that I look, or my tendency to use humour as a defence, I don’t know. 

But then, when I feel brave enough to speak and they listen to what I have to say they see who I really am and I blow them away.

Just Saying....

Never think so little of yourself that you give parts of yourself away for free.

Labels

When it comes to sexual preference, sexuality, some people are determined to use labels.

Label everything and put it into a neat little box. Gay/straight/bi, butch/femme, top/bottom. Well as far as I can see, if you put everything into a neat little box, all you get is boxed in.

We are all just people - with similarities, with differences. Why can't we just enjoy our similarities and accept our differences and move along?

So I'm a Lesbian

Yes, I’m a lesbian, but that should only matter to you if:

a) you want to ask me out on a date, or

b) you want to set me up with your sister.

Internet Friends

I don’t know what the big deal is with people having “internet friends”. In the days before computers and the internet they used to be called “pen friends”.

The principle is basically the same, you’ll probably never actual meet them face to face, but you communicate via the written word (and in this day and age, via video and web cams).

The only real difference is that communication is more instantaneous than the days of the snail mail letters sent to each other.